Scientific findings on Childhood Trauma
Watched a TED talk lately, in which describing how childhood trauma can affect individual health tremendously across the lifespan.
Though I knew it’s essential to learn / grab information to enhance my healing process – not acknowledge the situation or hide from it doesn’t mean it will go away or doesn’t exist – but I always feel sad to read or watch this kind of scientific research about childhood trauma. Many findings are resonate to me.
As an abused (survivor), I knew how difficult to get over all the hurt memories/triggers as flashbacks strike me hardly from time to time. I may feel alright at this moment then suddenly feel terrible miserable according to what memories come to my mind.
Nobody can understand fully if they have never experienced the abused so that’s why many victims learned to shut down emotions. It can be even worsen to share with someone who don’t get the ideas about trauma, than keep all secrets by themselves. The healing journey is tough especially when you are experiencing things that are taboos in society, victims can be feel very lonely even surrounded by friends. This is exactly how I feel for a long time.
Low self-worth issue
I’m kind of stuck in depressed mode lately. Not only deal with regular triggers/flashbacks but also my negative emotions towards the one I secretly admired for several years. He tries to attract my attention and chasing me for a long time but I just can’t manage the intimacy. I don’t trust people easily because of my abused background, feel scare to be hurt thus usually keep an great distance from people. Understand this is unhealthy coping mechanism but I still learning how to manage this self-destructive behavior.
The more I discovered his greatness, the more I feel low about my self-worth thus the more I afraid to let him get close to me. Emotionally, I want to disappear forever then I don’t need to deal with all the emotion turmoils inside; but rationally I knew it’s essential for my healing journey, it gives me motivation to become a better self everyday.
I hope more people will understand how childhood trauma can affect an individual’s entire life. Take it serious, be alerted what not to do and what should do to every child. It’s easily to prevent than heal the wound. And for those who were abused / maltreated from childhood. May we hold hands together, have courage and wisdom continuously to heal.
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