Don’t chase people. Be yourself. Do your own thing and work hard.
The right people who really belong in your life will come to you.
– Will Smith
I don’t have many friends in real life – people come and go, had good times but seldom stay connected for long. It’s one of the missing elements in my life and should do better.
Basically, I don’t trust or feel comfortable to have close relationships. I feel safer to keep distance, quiet or not standing out from crowd for avoiding conflicts or dramas. Love being alone and enjoy my own company most of the time, to fit in socially is still a challenge for me as I feel not able to be authentic. My energy level is decreased after social gatherings. It’s weird! I know.
This leads me to locate and follow mentors / people I admire from other channels, e.g. online, books, podcast, feel more peaceful as I only absorb wisdom / perspectives without dealing hassle. It however bring out other problems :
More disconnected to people in real life
Don’t mean to judge or despise anyone, but truth is the more I connected to amazing people online or via readings, the more I feel boring to hang around with people in real life. Imagine even if I learn only one new idea daily, I’ll have 365 new perspectives every year. My difficulties are unable to find people who can understand my point of view easily.
Frequently, I found myself try to act like an ignorant person, downgrade or hide what I know in order to fit in. Not only try not to let people feel I’m arrogant but also to limit arguments during discussions. People expect me support their perspectives and don’t really appreciate different thoughts. Gatherings started to make me feel more lonely and exhausted afterwards.
Not admire the same person as in past days
I doubt myself from time to time : am I a disloyal bitch? I can change my admiration or leave someone who I used to honor / respect very much. I questioned myself for making faces, rolling eyes or feeling annoyed when I heard / meet the same person preach the same topic. What happened to me? Even common friends, I was blamed for not hanging around as often as I used to be, or simply disappeared from that circle forever.
I curious and envy to hear people talking about their long-lasting friendship since childhood. It seems I’m the only person who can’t keep any relationship longer.
It took me a long time to figure out my problems, until recent years, I have different opinion …..
It’s OK to say goodbye
Reason why we no longer fit in the same environment is because our knowledge / ways of thinking are upgrading gradually and continuously. This actually a good sign of progress for any individual’s self-development.
If we hang around with people who do not like to change their thoughts, beliefs and behaviors, it sure will eventually ruin the relationship. It’s impossible to share life / opinions positively and openly when both parties are standing in different grounds. Many times I found the so-called friends are actually no longer connected. They just dragging the relationship because of that person is a childhood or long-time friend. Of course it’s still all right and nice to have causal chit-chats, but true and healthy relationships will not be developed positively.
Many times people just spending time together to kill time or boredom. It’s always fascinated me to see people in public areas, who seem talking and sharing non-stopped but when we listen carefully, they just talking about their own problems (not really connected or listening to each other’s words). What’s the point to have such friendship? Why don’t we just speak to the voice recorder, but stuck in any friendship that no longer nurture us?
Marriage or other love relationships
This principal is also good for applying to other relationships. Nowadays, many cheating stories can be heard among colleagues, media or circle of friends. Cheaters are always cheaters so I’m not giving any excuses to this category. But I found in some cases couples never plan to cheat but unfortunately as years goes by, the other half stop adding fire into the old relationship, stops learning and growing. Life getting boring, routine without any sparkles.
Many people think “LOVE” is the only element to bond two persons together. But the truth is never-ended exploration is necessary to strengthen any relationships. Sadly, many couples more like roommates or business partners, rather than connected with souls.
Similarly, many parents complained about their kids are no longer obedient or bond with them as it used to be. The situation will be more obvious when parents stop learning along with the fast pace growing speed of the society.
We should feel proud to see any children are now become more independent and confident to share their own thoughts. They are growing and learning new things everyday so no longer stuck to past perspective; more mature combined with improved judgment skills so eventually can survive better in modern society.
Sometimes I feel it’s more important to have a good relationship with myself, than running around to grab fake attention (like a chicken lost its head).
What about you? Do you have mentor or role models surrounding you? Have you ever check your relationship listing? Who drag you down or lift you up? Or how about “YOU” be a good person that other people look up to?
Photo credit : Foter