Time is ticking and we can't go back

Clock is ticking and we can’t go back

Life is short. Time is fast. No replay, no rewind.  Use it wisely.

I’m panic.  July is here.  I woke up in the middle of night counting …..what did I accomplished over the past few months?

There’s a saying “Life grows faster as we grow older”.  Personally, I resonate with this phrase.  Installed a countdown mobile app aim to remind myself how many days of life I have left (grab this trick from a motivational speaker), since we usually underestimate how we use time …..until one day “ring-ring”….. time’s up and we can do is to feel sorry / regret for times we’ve wasted.

Seeing actual number “days” on mobile screen do remind me visually.  Sometimes when I being lazy or don’t feel like doing tasks I supposed to do, such number slap me in the face and shout to me :  “wake up, you got to do something, you only live once!”.

How we spent our life?

According to study, let’s say we luckily have 79 years of life, i.e. about 954 months.  Average people spend about :

318 months asleep 43 months

education 72 months

eating 13 months

in toilet 128 months working ….

This and that….ends up average people only have about 232 months left to live. Shocking right?

Or if you still not acknowledge the limited life-time, there’s a video demonstrate how we spent our life more visually by jelly beans :

I always knew how precious time is, above calculation is for average people, but in my case, who spent years growing up in abusive / dysfunctional family : my childhood was kind of stolen for never-ended housework, raised my sister, etc., my physical, emotional and psychological had already exhausted.

I just stay alive without living live over those confused, foggy years.  This until I started to educate myself more about my situation, then realized the invaluable time I’ve wasted in the past.  I just didn’t know how to handle and stuck for so many years.  Thereafter, I became more sensitive to time, strive to earn back as much as I missed out.

Early in my healing journey, the way I handle time was very extreme.  When I was depressed from flashbacks, I only lie on bed for days / weeks; when my mood and motivation back, I squeeze every tiny second be efficient and effective. Many times I was exhausted / devastated when things didn’t go well as planned.

Gradually, I’ve learned to change my approach and perspective on time :

Dare to disconnect

In the past, because my loneliness and low self-esteem, I accept anyone who was willing to hang out with me, seldom take serious consideration about their moral standard, value or vision etc.  I just need a company to kill time together. Now I found how silly, immature and self-sabotage I was.  These people didn’t do any good to my soul and spirits, instead, many of them are naysayers, jealous, self-centered etc. I was constantly discouraged / put down whenever I want to make changes or move forward.  I invite / tolerant toxic people, not-so-well relationships in my cycle.

Today, I’m more aware how surrounding people can affect me.  I really can feel how different I react to the environment during the time I spent with positive and negative people.  My mindset, motivation or spirit will be altered dramatically. I trust my gut feelings more so if I don’t feeling right after meeting someone, I will cut them out from my friend-list without much hesitations.  Time is too short to spend with those who drag me down.

Who you choose to spend your time, will say a lot about how you see yourself.

– Thema Davis

Cost vs. Benefits ratio

I used to worry wasting time : Ate fast / junk food or take away because I don’t like to waste time in cooking; stayed very late at night since tons of things need to be done; didn’t care exercise because it’s again eat up time.  When I can’t finish tasks within scheduled time, I was disappointed.

Now, I knew the balance, calculate not the actual minutes spent and less likely treat these as a “waste”.  Instead, I analysis benefits / advantages, whether these enhance mental, physical and emotional healthy to win a fulfilled life.   I don’t scare as much as I used to, e.g. sleep and cook healthy food – to have a healthy body while tackling life challenge.

Besides, I used to think writing is wasting of time and don’t quite understand why therapists kept on asking people to write their own minds / feelings.  But since I started this blog, I can feel myself getting benefits via writing, not only a platform for me to share and learn not being shame for my secrets, but also help me to grow, stabilize my emotions by re-collecting my thoughts, reflections and self-examinations.  You will never know how you actually feel / think until you write those long-hidden thoughts out.

Save yourselves energy and time

“Don’t argue with idiots, they will drag you down to their levels and bit you with experience”.  I used to confront, argue with superior or people / situation for justice.  Unfortunately I never a talent blamer, so many expressions / words / things I feel uncomfortable to express like other abusers, thus ends up fail in arguments / confrontation, suffered from tears / destructive emotions afterwards.

As times goes by, I evolved to a person that don’t feel necessary to fight / argue back anymore.  Realized that the most terrible punishment for a person is never tell him / her about their faults.  And I accept people are who they are.  Nobody can change anyone until that person want to change.  My clock is ticking, what’s the point wasting my “doesn’t-have-much-left” life on someone – who I don’t really care or remember their names months / years after?

Closing thoughts

Again, reason I wrote this blog is not because I’m better than anyone.  We’re not getting any younger, better make the most out of the time we’ve left.

Whenever I found someone who’s younger than me but bright, intelligent and live their dreams, I admire / envy them because I wish someone gave me similar advice when I was 18.  This save me tons of time to spin around like a dog chasing his tail.

Time is precious and can slip away in the blink of eye, so enjoy, use it wisely, more importantly with no-regrets.

20 years from now you’ll be more disappointed by things you didn’t do than by the ones you did so.  

So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor, catch the trade winds in your sails.  Explore. Dream. Discover.  

– Mark Twain

Do you feel the same way times flies very fast? How do you use your time?

Photo credit : Unsplash – Stefan Kunze

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