People only see what they’re prepared to see.
According to psychology theory, human perception are easily be distorted frequently. Understanding what irrational thoughts running in our head, not only general people but especially for abused survivors can be helpful during healing journey.
Psychological / cognitive bias lead individuals making inaccurate judgments, illogical interpretation about the world, own-selves or people surrounded.
Don’t you realize people have tendency to hang around with people who have similar thoughts, interests, who agree with us more? As per old sayings : “like attracts alike”; or “you don’t need to approach someone to understand them, instead, their circle of friends can tell you more honestly about this person.
Conversely, human nature tend to resist, feel uncomfortable to connect with people who disagree, different from our points of views / values. End up, we found ourselves keep fueling pre-existing belief / perspectives while ignoring comments that benefit to us.
If an abused survivor believe “this is it”, it’s his / her fate being mistreated / humiliated / abused in certain way, this is their supposed destinies etc. Then they will never have desire to look for better person who treat them nicely and respectfully. No matter what they gone through, they trust good people are exist in the world and they have power to chose / seek for help, reliable friends or another half, though it might take longer time or lots of effort to break through old-aged bias.
Sadly, if an abused survivor are crowded / trapped in distorted bias, e.g. woman are born to be submissive, all men are untrustworthy etc according to their experience, then surely will have higher chance to connect those who repeat the history: abusing them physically, emotionally or psychologically. Self-limited beliefs are so strong that can demotivate individuals searching for resources / support systems for healing. Instead, more indulge to information / hints that support and confirm their bias.
Certainly, confirmation bias will prevent individuals think logically / objectively about their situations. They believe what they believe and will find evidence to prove their points, as a result making more wrong life decisions.
Fundamental Attribution Error
Human nature have coping mechanism protecting our self-ego and self-esteem. It’s essential at certain level but in many situations, this common cognitive bias will affect our perception on success / failure etc.
Remember the first time I learned this bias, it’s kind of funny to me as I found lots of examples from my daily life. Of course nowadays I’m more alerted to circumstances when it happens, especially interested to see how others react with this principle too.
This bias proving a common tendency that human love to blame others or external factors when things go wrong, e.g. abusers / narcissistic / toxic people selfishly put blame on others for their own faults / flaws, claiming that the root of problems are another person’s behaviors, reactions, thus they have rights and excuse to yell, abuse etc. Other common scenarios such as : women got raped because they dress inappropriate, domestic violence exists due to wife / husband didn’t do what their second half asked / expected. It’s now we well-known as “victim-blaming” symptom.
Ironically, in other times people love judging others according to numerous stereotypes / norms, e.g. age, race, culture, appearance, or something related to that person’s personality / characteristics / traits, etc. Real environment / external influence are under-estimated or never be considered, e.g. rape victims should responsible for how they dress; victims of accidents should always responsible for what happened to their driving skills though it’s actually due to poor weather / road condition that moment.
People proud to comment success to their own efforts or own abilities / capabilities, e.g. narcissists don’t appreciate supporting staffs or any other contribution / efforts during the process of success, but interpret these as their own talents. Strangely, the other times same toxic bosses will blame their staffs as the problems of incapable staffs if there’s any company losses. They deserved to be yelled, scolded or verbally abused but never thought about his / her own leadership skills.
How we perceive the cause of success / failure will definitely affect how we interact with others, which in turn affect all relationships, our happiness and many aspects of life fulfillment. If we always feel it’s another person’s fault, we will never have the need to self-examine, self-reflect on our behaviors and attitudes, thus we can never grow. Of even if we success at work with lots of money, we can never be truly happy without healthy relationships.
I’m still struggling and applying any new knowledge I’ve learned to my life.
I used to have these cognitive bias but now understand it’s important to destroy them, every time when similar thoughts come up my mind, I question my thoughts more often and keep on comparing the pros and cons within.
So have you ever trapped by these 2 common psychological bias? Are you conscious about your thoughts and behaviors?