There’s a difference between quitting,
and knowing when you have had enough.
Binge watched reality TV show lately, in which a husband declared several times that he’s not a “quitter” so kept trying to mend his marriage, sad for audience to watch since they really not compatible with each other, but he just hold on a thought of “being loyal / nice”.
Well, I’m kind of a “quitter” from many people’s perspectives. This always give myself lots of doubts and ask : am I too soon to quit? What if I stay and let circumstances continuing? Should I be more patience, realistic, conformity to policies / regulations / social norms? Am I over-thinking / over-sensitive / over-reacted ? Many people seem doing OK to survive their unhappy / conventional / unfulfilled life / job without any resistance.
At some point, I have to admit I do quit easily, happens often when I feel scare / pressure / uncomfortable, mostly related to relationships. Still struggling to handle stress / relationship / emotions healthily. But at other times, I consider myself as braver than many people.
It may because since awake from years of abusive history, I’m getting more conscious, less willing to waste time on things / people that harm to me, physically, emotionally or life. I’m more determined today to let go and leave when I found an environment or people I interacted with will never change. Assuming it’s better to invest my precious time / energy on meaningful matters instead. Time is really too short, I got to cut the loss as quick as possible.
Suggest to quit when …..
After years of self-education about abused topics and healing, I learned there’s a reason behind any individual who tolerate non-stopped abusive / toxic relationships without leaving, feeling or expressing anything. It’s because when an individual doesn’t own a healthy sense of self-worth, don’t love / value themselves, will have difficulties to stand up for themselves, or even worse, make excuse for abusers who treated them disrespectfully.
Self-care is not only dress nicely, but also learning how to respect ourselves with dignity. We never can expect others respect us if we don’t do this to ourselves at first place. Sometimes we have to teach others how to treat us if necessary.
Abusers / narcissistic / toxic people raise up the bars of abusive gestures gradually and continuously towards victims. At the beginning, they may put all dramas like a joke, behave offensive / insulting in a causal manner – aim to make all these like : they didn’t mean to do this to you; it’s just a joke; or simply treat you as their closed friends / mates so there’s no need to fake. But in fact they have purpose to test your limit : see how you react and how much you can tolerant their BS.
I dealt with so many so-called professional / successful people, what irritated / annoyed me is they’re actually very smart (cunning) – understand how to wear different masks in front of different people, know exactly who must be treated with respect / civility, but who can be verbally, emotional and psychologically abused. They evaluate / distinguish people carefully into different category to fulfill their different desires / purpose.
Many nice / warm / civilized people tend to have difficulties dealing with this type of fake-fellow. Similar to me, my personality and moral value make me cherish peaceful / harmony. I used to think everyone will treat each other with respect. I thought everyone understand the moral of “don’t say anything to others that we don’t want to listen, or do anything to others that we don’t want to be treated”. This unrealistic perception was vanished once I finally realize there’re people holding a complete opposite moral standard from me.
Frequently these people are acting so humble, nice and normal when we first met. Unfortunately, after a certain period of time of communication their true-self are surfaced. Once they noticed my standard / limit, they’ll no longer care how I feel thus my daily working life is like living in hell. I can’t sleep, binge eating, depressed, so stressful not because of the work load but all emotional burdens. That’s why I keep on quitting from abusive working environments. Of course never expect there’s a perfect job in the world, but when the environment is out-of control and already fueling poison to my soul / spirit, what’s the point for me to continue?
Or there are times when I overheard others said divorce is bad. In my opinion, it’s better to leave a rotten relationship than stuck in an unhappy / mental-tortured environment. Many parents might think it’s better for kids owning a so-called in-house father / mother but the truth is : how kids can learn to love / establish a healthy relationship in such a toxic environment? How kids can concentrate on their study while there are non-stop arguing / blaming / fighting at home? Don’t we think it’s wise to quit, let kids learning how to maintain a healthy relationship while breaking up?
Enough is enough, our life is blinked away every second at faster-than-you-thought speed. If this is what we hate or not align with our core value. May be it’s really a right time to quit.
What your thoughts on “quitting”? Do you think a quitter is a loser? Have you ever quit on someone / something that no longer benefit to you?
Photo credit : Pixabay – ericbrn13