Bit scare and feel uncertain at the moment.
Found a lump on back for long, fear of finding the truth until now…well… kind of ready to confront my fear. Everyone afraid of terminal illness or die right? What if doctor diagnose me only have 3 / 6 months left?
What’s the purpose of my life? I’ve been stumble over years ….. when I start to live my life, then what? Time to end? I’m afraid so procrastinate to see doctor.
As an abuse survivor, many years was lost so I’m anxious to count my time left on earth from time to time. The more I realize stolen years the more I feel miserable / frustrated. But at the same time it push me to squeeze time to do the best I can nowadays.
Why I am here?
Reason I start this Blog and other social media platforms, because according to my personal experience, understand how difficulty / lonely / rough during healing journey.
Glad I love reading and surf around the net to find answers, over the years, many survivors share their stories openly and bravely so I am able to grab their insights / wisdom and courage bits by bits.
From the beginning refuse to admit my story, then acknowledged my situation, anger / frustration and hurtful memories bombarded me uncontrollably.
My Miserable Past
Remembered there were times I sat miserably at the park for nights, wandering around lonely for days, depressed and totally gave up myself. It’s sad and I don’t know how can I live through all those years. I was just completely lost, simply exist not alive.
There were moments I wanted to jump off the building, foolishly hope let public know about my story, I was screamed loudly in my heart, why me? why no justice? What happened and what’s wrong with me?
Because of other survivors’ stories, I regain courage / energy to restore, refresh and reborn again.
Though I’m not yet finish my healing or should I say there’s still a long way to go, but at least, if comparing to a year ago, I’m a better person now (both emotionally and psychologically).
This is why I want to share my bits of perspective / findings so hopeful my story / mistakes can help some people who are struggling now. Just like how I survive and regain power from other survivors’ stories.
Don’t know what will happen for the medical examination, but I always have a thought of what can I do before I die, or left behind the society after.
I’m grateful to have this platform to share with like-mind people. I carry many emotional baggage / trauma fro past and feel necessary to educate public.
Hate to see people go through the same path like me, this is why I start this platform.
Healing journey is bumpy, but Stay Strong!