Psychology # 11 : Victim Blaming

Psychology # 11 – Victim Blaming

 

This is a very common attribution, happens not only in abusive stories but all kinds of incidents at work / in public.

 

People tend to blame the victims and that’s why make it difficult for survivors to speak up or stand up for themselves.  Lack of supports and misunderstandings make victims take all responsibilities of abuse on their own hands.

 

The worst, after the abuse, survivors are those who need to forgive and forget even though it’s impossible in many of cases.  Once again we put extra burden on their shoulders and give permissions for abusers to escape from their faults, saying something like, well…he / she didn’t mean to do this.  That’s terrible.

 

Have you ever behave in similar way?  Please comment and share this post so more people aware what’s our unconscious behavior lead us to.

 

 

 

 

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3 thoughts on “Psychology # 11 – Victim Blaming”

  1. I am just healing from an emotionally abusive marriage and childhood abuse from past. I was sexually abused as a child. Somehow, the anger stays in you and I have memories where I was aggressive, physically and verbally abusive to others between the age of 15-18. My thought is I was subconsciously reacting to what happened to me as a child. Of course, now it is different because it is a learning process and I am still healing. I do regret that I did not have the will not to be destructive but I do not blame myself for that. I do believe with time, you learn to choose not to let the terrible past define you. Sometimes we are even unaware that we are hurting those we love because of elements from the past. I cannot approach my abusers now and remind them of the past! They know what they did. I want nothing to do with them, really. Its just disgusting and I’d rather take a slow, but sure path to healing internally.

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  2. I took all the blame on my shoulders and even now find it hard to unload. I begged for scraps of love and attention from the eldest sibling, the one who caused the most damage after his evil act by insinuating things about me in a derogatory tone to others in the so called ‘family’. If I’m lessor of human what he did wasn’t so bad. That is what caused the most damage for me. And others have acted like I am a reminder of what the ‘family’ is. I’m the problem. And I’ve gone along with that premise. It is a hard thing to change, this core belief in my own badness. I took it on to save all of them.
    And as far as excuses, I do hate the one used most, “Well he was abused, or he has mental issues” Having a mental condition does include choosing to attack a child otherwise women would be doing it too.
    According to statistics, far more little girls are abused than boys. But women don’t become abusive by attacking little children sexually as men do. We allow it to continue by giving men excuses such as, they were abused, or they have a disease.
    No, they make a choice and commit evil. Seems when a woman does commit an abusive act she is far more ostracized and penalized than a man.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. thanks your sharing patricia. Sorry to hear about your story. we both are not strange to this kind of dysfunctional dynamic inside so-called “family”. It sucks when you are involved especially when you were young, naive and didn’t know what’s going on.

      Totally agree we all human have choice to do what we have to do. But people keep on making excuse for abusers. Society help them to escape from the wrong things.

      I suffered a lot but i chose not to do the same harm to others. this is my choice.

      Liked by 1 person

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