Abuser may say something very upsetting to the victim and after seeing her reaction add, “it was just a joke”.
Abuse is not OK in any form. Jokes that hurt are abusive.
Having and overwhelming need for external validation.
Ongoing scapegoating, criticism, attacks, blaming, shaming or shunning are used as a threat or weapon by the narcissist and their allies, if they don’t get their way.
Family’s protection of their own feelings of guilt onto the scapegoat is a psychological defense mechanism.
In troubled families, abuse and neglect are permitted. It’s the talking about them that is forbidden.
Doubting your self-worth, believing you are bad or defective.
In narcissistic family system, poor family boundaries are norm. Intrusiveness, mistreatment, abuse is normalized.
If the scapegoat becomes too insistent about expressing his / her point of view.
The rest of the family may cut him / her off from it entirely, thus totally isolating him / her.
Child of a narcissist exists solely to be of benefit to their parent.
Narcissist see their children as an extension of themselves.
Inappropriate control – parents exercise overcontrol – which robs children of the opportunities for self-assertion and self-development.