Doubting your self-worth, believing you are bad or defective.
In narcissistic family system, poor family boundaries are norm. Intrusiveness, mistreatment, abuse is normalized.
If the scapegoat becomes too insistent about expressing his / her point of view.
The rest of the family may cut him / her off from it entirely, thus totally isolating him / her.
Inappropriate control – parents exercise overcontrol – which robs children of the opportunities for self-assertion and self-development.
When someone was being abused for longer period of time, they may believe or trapped by this way of thinking.
They may think there’s no hope and they can never turn the table upside down, in such, they behave passive, helpless and conform to the toxic relationship / abuse.
Other victims may fight back because their lives are controlled on their own hands, they make a choice to leave the toxic relationship / abuse, learn and motivated to strive.
There’s a saying ” if you think you can, you can; if you think you can’t you can’t, both are true!”
Which type are you?
This typical cognitive bias can be found in many abuse-victim relationships, or even how public perceive about victims.
e.g. if an victim was abused or raped, people will judge it’s because this girl / woman’s behavior is incorrect, seduce or being a sl*t or what and that’s why she was abused.
People tend not to consider external influence, such as the environment, security issues or even the behavior of abusers.
What do you think? Have you ever make a simple judgment on someone’s behavior quickly, instead of thinking about other circumstances?
We human afraid of being rejected or any uncomfortable feelings.
In order to save face and pretend nothing is happen, to protect our self-ego, we may act like nothing is happening and everything is fine.
That’s sad because if we don’t admit there’s a problem, we can never heal.
Do you recognize this symptoms from anyone you know?
This Quote described my situation at dysfunctional family very well.
According to my observation, it’s not only happen in family system, but also in everyday life, such as workplace.
Many times I observed colleagues / bosses will favorite a specific staff, in order to show his / her hate on another person. Body languages displayed that these targets people are no longer worthy in their eyes.
And if it happens in family, it can destroy self-esteem / self-worth of a child, which in turn will affect his / her all aspect of life.
This explains why some of the victims stay with their abusers.
When we were abused, we need to adjust our mindset, attitude and behaviors in order to survive in the toxic environment.
Sooner or later, we forget who we are or what we are capable of, which ends up may become support to abusers.
That’s sad and tragic. Abuse is a complicated issue and difficult to be explained straight forward.
What do you think? do you believe victims will be brainwashed and become obedient to the abusers after a long history of abuse?