Protect your spirit from contamination.
Limit your time with negative people.
– Thema Davis
“Narcissistic” – a getting-familiar term is emerged in recent years, which is a serious personality disorder. Glad more people are acknowledged and educated gradually online. This help me a lot since I used to be very confused, shame, trapped or don’t know how to use proper words describing my experiences. Thought I just too demanding / unrealistic on people, too sensitive / emotional on how I was treated.
Hate to admit but somehow I attracted lots of narcissistic / toxic people, don’t know if it’s because my tone of voice, facial or body language delivering messages to abusers that they can walk over me without resistance (people do comment I look kind of gentle, soft and kind). This always confuse me as I’ve been thinking do I really need to behave more tough, ferocious, or mean so people will not mess with me?
Anyway, after years of experience, guess I’m well-qualified to share my bits of “wisdom” about their common traits :
Since they have low self-worth, self-esteem and surprisingly lack of self-confidence, they’re hungry for external confirmation in proving their competence. They love to show off, be respected, admired and become the center of attention. Like a performer on stage, who know exactly what others expect so will behave / act in certain way at specific environment.
Outsiders will be attracted quickly at the beginning by their success, humor, charm or generosity that exhibited. Only people who are closed to them will know the truth behind scene, despise these hypocritical gestures and rolling eyes at the corner of the stage.
They have difficulties to accept different individual have their own talents, instead, viewing others are inferior to them.
Work with narcissistic bosses is a torture experience : they judge, humiliate and verbal abuse those who under his / her supervision, making insulting comments or put people down constantly. They considered themselves as the most knowledgeable, wise and skillful person in that environment. People should listen and follow what they ordered.
They’re so afraid being judged or temper can be explodes when their mistakes were found. They hate to be “wrong” in any of their decisions / judgement since this downgrade their admiration points to others. In such, they will yell, scold others before people raised up comments then run away, leaving victims in fog with lots of self-doubts.
Strong messages they deliver : “you are working FOR, not working WITH me”; or “Just do it! Because I say so!”.
Hide inner emptiness
There are people who use brand clothes, luxury products hiding insecurity. Similarly, the more someone feel empty inside, the more they need external things, such as fame, wealth to validate themselves.
One of the narcissistic boss I worked with, has more than 10 different titles from various well-known organisations displayed on her name card. Many people felt amazed and adore her devotion / success / contribution so and so ……admiring that how a person can fulfill so much for her life. And because there are many titles were assigned from famous charities / welfare organisations, this also give outsiders an image of “what a kindness / generous person in the world she is”.
This hero-effect however never be sacred to us, who being with her 9 hours a day in office. We all know the fake / pretension – she’s a completely different person in private place, who easily burst out anger for small stuffs, e.g. who mis-titled her or forgot to invite her for a ceremony. Even many media news reported how great she is but we all see her inner emptiness in daily basis.
NO tolerance for shame
They can be extremely over-sensitive to any small issues that make them feel inadequate, insecure, or shameful. When you have doubts or confront about their judgments / decisions / behaviors, they will either shut down completely, avoid, transfer the blames to others, or even worse, turn the table upside down – become critical and hostile to victims.
You can never have a fair negotiation with them, unless you make them feel superior and hero. Ironically, there are no shortage of deceived followers surrounding them to enhance their false-self.
What? Boundaries? What is that? Narcissistic psychopath have difficulties seeing things from another people’s perspective. And since they view themselves such an important and superior individual, they have no concern or actually don’t have concept about boundaries. People with healthy mind-set consider each human is an individual, in contrast, narcissists view others as an extension of themselves.
They might keep calling you outside office hours / your private time simply because they want to, no matter it’s important or just a minor inquiry. They check your emails, stare on your computer seeing what you are doing, love digging your privacy up or cross over your emotional boundaries. Just don’t feel necessary to respect other human rights and feelings.
React as a toddler
There were many times I just feel like communicate with a 2-3 years old child. Physically, narcissists look like a normal adult but according to their emotional responses, it’s kind of like an uneducated toddler / child who lose temper, sit on the floor and screamed for a toy they loved.
According to psychology theory, narcissists were stuck at certain child development stage thus have difficulties to handle problems, stress or anything that out of their comfort zone with a more mature approach. Some of them may be spoiled so never learn how to respect others’ needs, but the world should response to their wishes / desires. Others may be raised in an abusive environment or by narcissistic parents so their ability of empathy, EQ, self-esteem etc. were missed out a lot during development.
I believe everyone deserved to be treated with respect.
Stay away from toxic / narcissistic / abusive people as much as you can. No one can change anyone until this person willing to make changes on their own wishes. You can never explain, change or argue for justice with them. You are dealing with personality disorder issue so the more you try to negotiate, the more you will be trapped then end up feeling more miserable.
Let it go! Move on and live your life, only surround with people who contribute positively to your spirit, strength and wisdom would be my final advice.
How about you? Have you ever encountered difficult / toxic people? how you handle?
Photo credit : Pixabay – Jill111