This typical cognitive bias can be found in many abuse-victim relationships, or even how public perceive about victims.
e.g. if an victim was abused or raped, people will judge it’s because this girl / woman’s behavior is incorrect, seduce or being a sl*t or what and that’s why she was abused.
People tend not to consider external influence, such as the environment, security issues or even the behavior of abusers.
What do you think? Have you ever make a simple judgment on someone’s behavior quickly, instead of thinking about other circumstances?
We human afraid of being rejected or any uncomfortable feelings.
In order to save face and pretend nothing is happen, to protect our self-ego, we may act like nothing is happening and everything is fine.
That’s sad because if we don’t admit there’s a problem, we can never heal.
Do you recognize this symptoms from anyone you know?
This explains why some of the victims stay with their abusers.
When we were abused, we need to adjust our mindset, attitude and behaviors in order to survive in the toxic environment.
Sooner or later, we forget who we are or what we are capable of, which ends up may become support to abusers.
That’s sad and tragic. Abuse is a complicated issue and difficult to be explained straight forward.
What do you think? do you believe victims will be brainwashed and become obedient to the abusers after a long history of abuse?
We should pay attention of children’s dreams, since they are not mature enough to express their feelings / thoughts but through their descriptions of dreams, we will get some ideas about their fear / concerns and stories that never told us.
Or sometimes I encountered people who claim they are “Morale” while keep on throwing dirty jokes, this actually indicate their repressed sexual desire at certain level. I came across this situation several times and they are all female.
We never can trust what someone say in surface, a slip of tongue may express more about their hidden desire / value. Watch out!
What do you think?
Can’t recall the name but many years ago read a memoir about a boy who was seriously abused in his childhood, end up he has different personalities, this is an extreme case.
But very often we heard people who was abused in childhood may forget all things happened completely. They can’t remember a person / incident etc.
Not because they lost memories but simply the trauma was so severe so they just dissociated from the reality in order to survive.
In some cases, they suddenly remember everything and all flashbacks drive them crazy because the truth is too pain to accept.
You heard any stories like this?
For many abuse survivors, the urge to have love / attention is so severe, since this is what they are lack of when they grew up in dysfunctional family.
This can lead to another cycle of trauma if we are not be careful of our relationship pattern.
From time to time I met people who jump from this to that relationship non-stop, they seem enjoy very much for the FAKE attention, but seldom see they are deeply connected to anyone.
At the end of the day, they are staring at the wall alone and die empty inside. It’s sad.
You know someone owns this attribute? How do you feel about their inner conflicts?
This is common to be found in little child, but in fact it happens in adult too.
There are adults who always throw temper, act out or outraged for little things, sometimes it’s not about the situation / things happens, instead something bothering them within.
If you never deal with your inner self, you will have problems to deal with outside stuffs.
Don’t you agree? Are you acting out? or you know someone who always acting out?
Before now, I was kind of “perfectionist”, this gave me lots of pressure and waste energy on unimportant tasks.
When I wanted to do something, I would dive in and worked my ass off, but as soon as I understood the psychology behind “perfectionist”, I changed my attitudes.
Still worked hard but manage to let go so don’t drive myself nuts. Today I understand the difference between want to make things better, and fear of judgment or worry be viewed as worthless.
Are you perfectionist? or You know someone own this behavior?
This cognitive bias can be found in many situation, e.g. when we believe something at the first place, we will look for signs / evidence to prove our beliefs, even though it’s non-sense / urological.
That’s why it’s so important to evaluate our thoughts always because it may mislead our upcoming behaviors.
How about you? Do you have this kind of bias that distort your perspectives often?
After Abuse, victims may chose to lock themselves up, stay isolated from the crowd / society or engage in destructive behaviors.
That’s why the abuse is not only affect the moment of abuse, but most damaging is years after abused incident.
People simply underestimate the duration of healing journey.
Do you agree?