This typical cognitive bias can be found in many abuse-victim relationships, or even how public perceive about victims.
e.g. if an victim was abused or raped, people will judge it’s because this girl / woman’s behavior is incorrect, seduce or being a sl*t or what and that’s why she was abused.
People tend not to consider external influence, such as the environment, security issues or even the behavior of abusers.
What do you think? Have you ever make a simple judgment on someone’s behavior quickly, instead of thinking about other circumstances?
Don’t know if it’s common or not, but I do find some of the people feel trapped in toxic relationship, not because they love that person but scare of leaving the comfort zone.
This is true that as long as we get used to the environment, we feel it’s more safe and secure to stay in the same old situation, even though it hurts, rather than jump the cliff to explore another chance.
It’s scary, i knew it.
What do you think? Are you one of them? or you know someone like this?
Emotional Abusers may use this tactic often, you were insulted, humiliated or verbally abused, next moment they will praise / adore you.
This not only confused the victims but also explain quite a bit why victims chose to stay in an unhealthy relationship.
Abusers give an impression to victims that they don’t meant to hurt them, and at the end they still love the victims.
What do you think? Have you ever experienced this?
Before now, I was kind of “perfectionist”, this gave me lots of pressure and waste energy on unimportant tasks.
When I wanted to do something, I would dive in and worked my ass off, but as soon as I understood the psychology behind “perfectionist”, I changed my attitudes.
Still worked hard but manage to let go so don’t drive myself nuts. Today I understand the difference between want to make things better, and fear of judgment or worry be viewed as worthless.
Are you perfectionist? or You know someone own this behavior?
After Abuse, victims may chose to lock themselves up, stay isolated from the crowd / society or engage in destructive behaviors.
That’s why the abuse is not only affect the moment of abuse, but most damaging is years after abused incident.
People simply underestimate the duration of healing journey.
Do you agree?
Some of the abuse survivors will use food to shift their focus from painful flashbacks / thoughts, others may dive into video games the whole day to eliminate the stressful situation.
I used to use food to channel my anger and frustration, which is a self-destructive behavior which end up triple my problems.
How about you?
From time to time, we found there are people who are very clingy and needy.
Don’t know if it’s because I am related to another category “Fearful / Avoidance”, so I always feel it’s very exhausted / tiring to hang around with this type of people.
Both of our categories can never lead us to a fulfilling relationship. Better learn how to connect with others healthier.
This is a common pattern for not only abusers, but also general public.
Made me frustrated / Sad when I noticed people rationalize things that go wrong or obviously problematic.
For example, when somebody was abused, outsiders may rationalize the things as “Oh, he has a tough day / job so he just unable to control. At the end, he is the human right?” BS!
Or when I heard people try to cover up their friends / partners / love one for crime / mistakes, they tend to rationalize the situation, downgrade the damage that brings up and try their best to make excuse for their wrong behavior.
Came up to me about Michael Jackson’s case, many people just adore him so much and choose to rationalize his story, though there are so many evidences exists.
Do you agree?