Quote 145 – Adult survivor of scapegoating

Scapegoated children and adults may suffer from chronic insecurity in relationships.

Quote of the day # 30 : Truly Evil

Truly evil people don’t just hurt others.  

They take pride in the pain they cause and then blame their victims.


There are people who love to earn their happiness / self-esteem by making others feel bad / hurt.


Have you ever met this kind of person? How do you deal with it?



Photo credit : Pixabay – danielgelora660

Adult Survivor take Rejection and Failure very hard



We Fear rejection, want attention, crave affection and dream of perfection.



I consider myself not an aggressive person, seldom project my problems / emotions to outsiders. However I found myself handle rejection and failure not very well, or should I say kind of unhealthy.



We are Runner


Not mean run from the field, but from many struggles / situations that scare us or give us pressure.


I keep on repeating the same old habits again and again, e.g. resigned from work when feeling uncomfortable for certain colleagues / bosses or tasks; stopped calling friends when they get too close or try to dig deep about my life history; kept far away from people I fell in love or have butterflies in heart.


Simply escape from situation that I don’t know how to handle, seem impossible to manage or feel uncomfortable.



Lack of problem-solving skills


I’m a good problem solver at work or anything that not involved emotions / relationships. Unfortunately, we are living in society surrounding with different types of personalities / characters and people from different backgrounds.


Always find difficulties to handle relationship-related issues.  Never learned or have a good model when grow up.


The way my family members / parents handle stress and problems are : find a scapegoat to blame on; blow up when things get tough so I used to feel like walking on eggshells everyday; or they run away, ignore problems -act like it never exists, this is what I learn and accustomed to.


My mom run away and left 3 daughters without a single word.  Just disappeared forever because she’s unhappy for the marriage, never care about parental responsibilities.


My dad is abusive, narcissistic and have many personality disorder symptoms.  It’s difficult to live with him without going crazy.  A person who suppose to care and love you, but now a childish and abusive parent, the experience is rough.



Learn from Dysfunction


Adult survivors from dysfunctional / toxic family seldom know what’s the right way to handle stress / problems and relationships.


Since what we learned and witnessed are so sicko, unhealthy, we never know what’s normal until we educated ourselves, or when we spot behaviors from other normal families.  We were brainwashed for this is how the world is running and  what family suppose to be. we never judge or curious about the truth behind.


2 common traits for adult survivors : either very attached and enmeshed to a relationship, strive for attention until this scare away people.  It an be very exhausted to carry another person’s burden emotionally and psychologically.


Another type, like me, will reject you before you reject us.  We are not willing to invest too much / deep on friendship or any other relationship, not because we are COLD but in fact, so scare to lose or being rejected.


The most safety net is “NOT START”.  It’s so stupid and self-sabotage but we can’t control.



Scare of rejection



The pain of being rejected by parents / family was so fierce and we don’t have courage to re-experience similar pain again.  We stop / avoid any chance of being hurt by building up a wall.


Sometimes when you meet someone who seem not welcoming for your existence, perhaps it really means they don’t like you.  But other times it might be a signal that they afraid of losing you.


I knew it because I’m belong to that type, the more I love a person, the more I act cold because I don’t want my weakness / vulnerability will be showed to that person.



Wrapping Up



Have you meet someone who seems so unattached? Don’t you realize they just scare and fear of rejection / failure?


Or if you are survivor, How you handle?



Photo credit : Unsplash – Abigail Keenan

Quote of the day # 14 : Childhood

You can spend a lifetime trying to forget a few minutes of your childhood


Do you agree? Do you think many of your nowadays habits / preference / ways of thinking, etc. are actually originated from your childhood?



Image credit : Pixabay – Sebagee

Psychology # 6 – Dissociation


Symptoms on me was not that obvious, I guess.  Whenever I heard or read stories from other survivors, they seem suffering from this in a much obvious way.


When people discuss / bring out their abusive history, they seem forget everything or deny what’s happening to them.  Or make it like….there’s no problem at all. this is how life suppose to be.


In my case, I’m kind of unattached to the chaos / trauma, numbed and learned not to attach to people / events.  It’s just too painful / hurtful!


I used to cry myself out for the whole night, depressed and wandering around the street with an empty heart and soul.  Just can’t figure out what’s going on and what’s wrong with me.


Very soon, I learned to “dissociate” from toxic environment or dysfunctional attribute, as this is how I survive.


How about you?