Narcissist have complete control over their child and will feel resentful, jealous if the child wants to break free from their clutches and create a life of their own.
Don’t know if it’s common or not, but I do find some of the people feel trapped in toxic relationship, not because they love that person but scare of leaving the comfort zone.
This is true that as long as we get used to the environment, we feel it’s more safe and secure to stay in the same old situation, even though it hurts, rather than jump the cliff to explore another chance.
It’s scary, i knew it.
What do you think? Are you one of them? or you know someone like this?
Parents actively resist you showing autonomy and becoming an independently entity.
Parents continue dominating kids, impose strict rules on them providing no freedom.
This is a tricky and high-level mental manipulative technique.
Common found in abusive / toxic relationship in destructive system, such as family and workplace.
Are you familiar with this? Please share your experience.
I know this term very well, and guess it’s very familiar to abused survivor.
In toxic / abusive family, family members love to use this skill to trap the victims. Reasons why many survivors struggling a lot in healing because they are not only dealing with the abuse, but also the guilt and shame within.
As a human, we born to feel guilty for doing bad things, or treat others badly especially if they are our blood-related family members. We were raged for the abuse but at the same time abusers will use “guilt” to fool us, lead us to think this is our fault for not forgiving or “moving on” etc.
That’s why it’s takes lots of time and energy for any healing journey.
Love is about give freedom and power, not gaining control or possession.
Love vs. Control.
I noted and always amazed by how many people not able to distinguish these two terms.
What is True Love?
In my philosophy, if you love and care a person, you should let them think and do whatever that fits and align to their core value. If you really love a person, you don’t force them to agree or follow your path.
Many abused survivors learned unhealthy / toxic relationship from dysfunctional / abusive family. We don’t know how to identify what’s right / wrong and the best for us. It took me years to understand the truth of love.
Previously, I watched TV / movies or reading inspiring books, I can’t stop to take a deep breath for myself….wow…..that’s what normal people do in a healthy relationship? It’s so different from what I learned from home. Kind of like living in another planet and hard to find people understand me.
The Mask of Control
Many abusers / toxic parents / abusive relationship tend to trap targets by using an incredible word “love”. They brainwashed you this is a form of “love” but in fact it’s masking their hidden insecure / intention – to control / manipulate.
Many moms LOVE their kids so much so they take care everything for them, e.g. cooking, dressing and arranging everything for them. People think this is Love, but it’s not, instead, it’s a control in a subtle way.
Manipulative people usually make you become dependent on them until you lost your independence, you can’t think and feel in your own way, or survive according to your own wish, rely on manipulative people’s existence completely. That’s what we found common from co-dependent relationship.
No joking, my ex-boss rely on her husband unreasonably, though she’s the boss but we all know who’s controlling everything behind in the company. She’s so dependent at many aspect, can’t manage even a small task at work or her personal life. Messy, disorganized and called her husband for help almost every hour, 20+ times daily.
Her husband kept all passwords and operation procedures in his hand. Although he’s not physically at the office but he checked every email we sent, watched us via CCTV frequently.
Seriously, this is not Love
My ex-boss’s claim “this is love” while we all feel sick for those manipulative behaviors, she is so happy because she thinks her husband doing all these because he’s really love her. Wow! That’s a delusion.
Many abuse survivors may assume the person who control us, plan everything and direct us to do things according to instructions is LOVE. Many of us learned from toxic family that there’s no point to stand up for ourselves. It seems easy and more peaceful if we just follow what we were asked.
Very soon, we lost the control of ourselves and hand all the power to others’ hands, at worst, many of them tend to attract abusers / narcissists / controllers to manager their lives because at the end, this is what we get used to.
We thought this is normal! This is Love, right?
Hope more people can bring this topic for discussion. So many times I want to scream when I found out someone trapped or being naive for their so-called loving relationship.
Frustrated to see when people don’t realize the truth behind.
How about you? Are you loving others or controlling someone? Or you are “loving” by someone?
Please share your thoughts.
Photo credit : Pixabay – NatKar26
The more I educated myself, the more I realized I actually attract many narcissists into my life. Guess it’s because I used to have a very low self-esteem and no ideas about healthy boundaries.
Hope many people will understand this personality disorder as early as possible. It took me years to figure things out and start my healing journey.
How about you? Have you ever meet someone consist of this character? How do you deal with them?
If you pay much attention on your surrounding, you will discover this manipulative technique is quite common but people don’t realize.
Do you agree?