When someone was being abused for longer period of time, they may believe or trapped by this way of thinking.
They may think there’s no hope and they can never turn the table upside down, in such, they behave passive, helpless and conform to the toxic relationship / abuse.
Other victims may fight back because their lives are controlled on their own hands, they make a choice to leave the toxic relationship / abuse, learn and motivated to strive.
There’s a saying ” if you think you can, you can; if you think you can’t you can’t, both are true!”
Which type are you?
This typical cognitive bias can be found in many abuse-victim relationships, or even how public perceive about victims.
e.g. if an victim was abused or raped, people will judge it’s because this girl / woman’s behavior is incorrect, seduce or being a sl*t or what and that’s why she was abused.
People tend not to consider external influence, such as the environment, security issues or even the behavior of abusers.
What do you think? Have you ever make a simple judgment on someone’s behavior quickly, instead of thinking about other circumstances?
This Quote described my situation at dysfunctional family very well.
According to my observation, it’s not only happen in family system, but also in everyday life, such as workplace.
Many times I observed colleagues / bosses will favorite a specific staff, in order to show his / her hate on another person. Body languages displayed that these targets people are no longer worthy in their eyes.
And if it happens in family, it can destroy self-esteem / self-worth of a child, which in turn will affect his / her all aspect of life.
Many abuse survivor become “Adult Children” though they stop into adulthood. It’s kind of like an adult look outside but there’s a child live within.
I’m very conscious about this symptoms and try my best to heal my inner child. But from time to time I still struggle with destructive behavior and act like a child, emotionally and psychologically.
The healing journey is long but as long as we keep moving forward, we will be fine.
What do you think?
We should pay attention of children’s dreams, since they are not mature enough to express their feelings / thoughts but through their descriptions of dreams, we will get some ideas about their fear / concerns and stories that never told us.
Or sometimes I encountered people who claim they are “Morale” while keep on throwing dirty jokes, this actually indicate their repressed sexual desire at certain level. I came across this situation several times and they are all female.
We never can trust what someone say in surface, a slip of tongue may express more about their hidden desire / value. Watch out!
What do you think?
Effects of Childhood Trauma is unpredictable and can destroy individual over lifespan.
Many adult survivor still controlled by their inner child no matter what age they reach. They may react to situation like a child even though they physically matured enough to handle the situation.
Personally, this is one of the weakness I’m still working on it. Sometimes I just lead by my inner child emotion and forget I’m an adult and capable to own my life now.
How about You? Do you have an inner child within?
Can’t recall the name but many years ago read a memoir about a boy who was seriously abused in his childhood, end up he has different personalities, this is an extreme case.
But very often we heard people who was abused in childhood may forget all things happened completely. They can’t remember a person / incident etc.
Not because they lost memories but simply the trauma was so severe so they just dissociated from the reality in order to survive.
In some cases, they suddenly remember everything and all flashbacks drive them crazy because the truth is too pain to accept.
You heard any stories like this?
You may encounter this psychological attributes from time to time.
If you are involved in any abusive / toxic relationships, then it becomes a pattern of how abusers treat their victims.
In dysfunctional family, abusive parents will verbally / psychological or emotional abuse their child, then tell lies to outsiders : saying how bad their children are so outsiders will trust what they heard.
You spot this symptoms in any situation?
Emotional Abusers may use this tactic often, you were insulted, humiliated or verbally abused, next moment they will praise / adore you.
This not only confused the victims but also explain quite a bit why victims chose to stay in an unhealthy relationship.
Abusers give an impression to victims that they don’t meant to hurt them, and at the end they still love the victims.
What do you think? Have you ever experienced this?
Shutting out a child with the silent treatment is very damaging and immature.