Psychology # 48 : Inner Child

 

 

Effects of Childhood Trauma is unpredictable and can destroy individual over lifespan.

 

Many adult survivor still controlled by their inner child no matter what age they reach.  They may react to situation like a child even though they physically matured enough to handle the situation.

 

Personally, this is one of the weakness I’m still working on it.  Sometimes I just lead by my inner child emotion and forget I’m an adult and capable to own my life now.

 

How about You? Do you have an inner child within?

Quote 46 : No Excuse for Abuse

 

 

Society / public make excuses for abusers, such as : Oh he’s just stress out, Oh, he / she didn’t had a good childhood thus they are now abuse another generation.

 

Stop it! Shut Up! We all human have the power to make choice : to abuse or not to abuse.

 

All these crapping excuses are not helping but sugar coating the abuse.  Or protecting abusers to escape from their behaviors.

 

What do you think?

Quote # 45 : Trust

Trust is like a paper, once it’s crumpled it can’t be perfect.

 

Don’t ruin your trust with others.  Once it’s damaged, we can hardly amend it.

 

That’s why we have to watch our mouth, words and behaviors constantly.  What do you think?

 

 

Photo credit : Pixabay – Jobbe

Quote of the day # 26 : Darkness of your past

What happened is done.  

Don’t let the darkness of your past block the light of joy in your present.

– Karen Salmansohn

 

Move on, take back control of your life.  Don’t let your past trapped you in a cage.

 

 

Photo credit : Unsplash

The 3 C’s of Your Life : Choice, Chance & Change

 

 

You must make a choice to take a chance or your life will never change.

 

 

Gym I used to go will soon moved to a new location.  I’m feeling ….. lost.

 

People might feel strange about my feelings but it’s not just a “place” for me to exercise, instead it’s filled with many emotions, struggles and memories.  Now the centre is close so kind of like my past was buried.

 

I can’t survive without the existence of this centre, and make me think about the 3 C’s of any healing journey.

 

 

Choice – only make one small change at a time

 

At the beginning, simply because I was sick of being trapped at my self-destructive behaviors / depression.  I wanted to do something, change and take control of my life. I used to stuff myself food after food to ease my inner pain. Completely throw the towel.

 

I was completed gave up and messed up, didn’t know what’s the purpose to live for and swallow for how this all happened to me?  I was so devastated and depressed.   Life so dreadful and seem hopeless.

 

I somehow manage to reflect when my emotion is on track, not staying in bed for days.   Thought if nobody care and love me, then let me love myself. So  I started to join gym membership and spent lots of time in gym.

 

It’s a safe place for me to hang around, simply relax or did nothing. Just need a break from chaos life. Finally I have a place to go to, didn’t need to wander around the street wait until everybody sleep so I can back home; can read, watch TV etc., love the sense of freedom. Sooner I started to hop on machines to do bits of exercise.

 

Exercise habits begun and when I see the progress and all biological / physiological changes of my body, I exercised more.  Besides, heard how exercise can help depression so I tried to force myself to do it though sometimes I didn’t have mood to do so.

 

Day after day, eventually shed off 100+ lbs.  I didn’t take a big leap but just tiny bits by bits.

 

 

Chance – aware new opportunities

 

Then one day a dancing class attract my attention. I thought SCREW IT, just try it.  Never a good dancer but love music or catch up the beats.  Instead, I’m always the most clumsy one in the class, but just kept on pushing myself to attend class….

 

Then started to set some goals for myself, such as “lose 2 lbs before next class” so I can look better in the mirror.

 

 

Although I never feel comfortable to social, look extremely cool, unfriendly and kept everyone an arm distance, scare people will ask me too many personal questions, but I take the opportunity and gave myself a chance to try new things.

 

My confidence / self-esteem start to build up, and start to think again : well, if I can conquer such a big challenge, what else I can’t change?”.  Thus I take the healing journey a step further.

 

 

Change – your life will become better

 

It’s like a snowball effect.

 

Because I have more confidence, I’m more willing to put myself out to explore and learn, in such, able to encounter / meet more people I admire.  Started to observe why some people are so confident and charming, how can I become them?

 

There’s a saying “If you don’t see you are changing, it means you did nothing for the past months / years so your are not growing”.

 

That’s true, I used to admire some people but after months / years when listened / read their opinions again, I no longer agree them as much as I was at the beginning.

 

In the past, I thought this was my problem but now I understand because if we are growing continuously – our mindset / perspective will be different.  That’s actually a good sign of self-development.

 

 

Wrapping Up

 

Remember the movie “Cast Away” by Tom Hanks?  The main support for him when he was in the island was the “football”, it’s the only “human” he can rely on while he’s lonely and frustrated – help to maintain his spirits and soul without going sane.

 

Similar to me, gym is not a gym.  Feel sad,lost and sure will miss it, but at the same time feel blessed for its existence during my tough / foggy years.

 

How about you? Do you have any place that you seriously attached to? where it filled with unforgettable memories?

 

 

 

Photo Credit : Unsplash – Graphic Mama

 

 

 

Psychology # 11 – Victim Blaming

 

This is a very common attribution, happens not only in abusive stories but all kinds of incidents at work / in public.

 

People tend to blame the victims and that’s why make it difficult for survivors to speak up or stand up for themselves.  Lack of supports and misunderstandings make victims take all responsibilities of abuse on their own hands.

 

The worst, after the abuse, survivors are those who need to forgive and forget even though it’s impossible in many of cases.  Once again we put extra burden on their shoulders and give permissions for abusers to escape from their faults, saying something like, well…he / she didn’t mean to do this.  That’s terrible.

 

Have you ever behave in similar way?  Please comment and share this post so more people aware what’s our unconscious behavior lead us to.

 

 

 

 

Psychology # 9 – Toxic Relationship

 

Stop letting people who do too little for you – control so much of your mind, feelings and emotions

– Will Smith

 

 

Many abused child who raised in dysfunctional / toxic family, like me, are not able to aware toxic family system.

 

This is what we get used to : chaos, abused, bullied, neglect, either physically or emotionally, even though when adults of abusive family survived and manage to stumble upon adulthood, but many of us still stuck at unhealthy mindset / behaviors.

 

Some of us acknowledge the challenge but don’t know how to get out from the crap; others may even don’t realize the effects on them, so when you don’t see the problem, you can never know the problem need to be fixed.

 

Many people don’t understand why victims keep on attracting or tolerate abusers / narcissists continuously into their lives.

 

Can’t explain all cases but according to my own experiences, I would say many of us are not conscious of our choices, it might because the loneliness or naive.

 

Many seem uncomfortable to hang around with people who are sweet, nice, kind or treat us well with respect, sadly this is not what we accustomed to when we were young, we are so afraid or subconsciously we don’t believe we deserve to be loved.

 

That’s why many professionals said it can easily take a whole life to heal simply few minutes or one incident of trauma.

 

Do you agree? Please share your comments or share this post to increase pubic awareness.