Psychology # 51 : Passive Agression

 

 

It’s kind of difficult to deal with this type of attitudes.

 

We never easy to catch if that person is really understand or willing to follow through the commitment or not.

 

You have experience to deal with this kind of situation?  Or this is actually your way of handling stress / conflict?

 

Psychology # 50 : Control Me Syndrome

Don’t know if it’s common or not, but I do find some of the people feel trapped in toxic relationship, not because they love that person but scare of leaving the comfort zone.

 

This is true that as long as we get used to the environment, we feel it’s more safe and secure to stay in the same old situation, even though it hurts, rather than jump the cliff to explore another chance.

 

It’s scary, i knew it.

 

What do you think? Are you one of them? or you know someone like this?

Quote 50 : Hurt people Hurt people

 

 

The older I get the more I understand this theory, people who hurt others are actually the most unhappiest person.

 

Something happened in their lives that they can’t or not willing to deal with, instead, they project their problems / frustration / anger on others.

 

But it doesn’t mean their behaviors are acceptable. I believe we all are human so have the power to chose what we suppose to do.

 

How do you think about this?

 

Please comment or share this to someone you think they are going through difficult relationship right now.

Psychology # 38 : True and False Self

 

 

Abusers may act different in public and behind doors.  This is the tactic they use to charm and lie to others.

 

Victims may have difficulties to explain their situations as it’s hard to find outsiders acknowledge the truth behind scenes.

 

At the same time, victims may also pretend as a happy person, living in a dream life but in fact they are suffering from abuse.

 

Are you good at spoting these lies?  Are you living 2 different lives?

 

Quote # 45 : Trust

Trust is like a paper, once it’s crumpled it can’t be perfect.

 

Don’t ruin your trust with others.  Once it’s damaged, we can hardly amend it.

 

That’s why we have to watch our mouth, words and behaviors constantly.  What do you think?

 

 

Photo credit : Pixabay – Jobbe

Psychology # 37 : Projection

 

 

This defense mechanism can be found in many situation.

 

That’s why when we found someone who’s throwing temper, yelling and screaming at others, most of the times it’s not about that situation / person, instead, something happen underneath that abuser.

 

Have you ever meet someone love to project their emotions / problems / frustrations to others?

 

How you handle this?

 

Psychology # 32 : Silent Treatment

 

 

This is very common in dysfunctional / toxic family, or even at toxic work environment.

 

Abuser choose ignore or pretend victims are not exist, at the same time, they may over-empathize another person’s behavior, praise and adore them with no sense.

 

The aim is to downgrade the status of victim, make them know that they are not valuable / worthy to the abuser.  This can damage target’s self-esteem / confidence seriously as they may feel / think they are useless.

Psychology # 27 : Narcissist Supply

 

 

I was very confused why Narcissists can always escape from their abusive behavior while everyone adore him / her without notice their true personality.

 

Spent lots of time to research and understand the truth behind, finally a new term “narcissist supply”came up to me.  Wow.  Now I knew there’s a logic of demand and supply.

 

If there’s a narcissist, it must have someone to supply this to fill his / her ego.  Otherwise, narcissist can’t exist without support.

 

My younger sister is typically the supplier for my abusive / narcissistic father.  The more she supports him the more he feel comfortable to do whatever he wants, while keeping a nice guy image to the public.

 

What I found people who is willing to devote to narcissistic supply, usually is related to co-dependent characteristic.  Narcissists bribe them with fake attention / love, they spot the supplier lack of confidence and self-esteem so take the advantage of them.

 

I used to jealous my sister’s privilege but not now.  She’s very depressed, no friends and no jobs due to all the toxic relationship she built up with narcissist.  She became resentful and dependent, cling to relationships.

 

It’s sad to watch and remind myself better work harder on my own self-improvement because I don’t want to follow her path.

 

 

Quote of the day # 32 : Unbearable Atmosphere

The scapegoat is the child who refuses to look content or stay silent in the unbearable atmosphere created in the family.

– Glynis Sherwood

 

Sometimes the one who stand out is probably the one who notice the dysfunction.  Don’t you agree?

 

Photo credit : Pixabay – Kaboompics

Love or Control? Can you tell the difference

 

Love is about give freedom and power, not gaining control or possession.

 

 

Love vs. Control.

 

I noted and always amazed by how many people not able to distinguish these two terms.

 

 

What is True Love?

 

In my philosophy, if you love and care a person, you should let them think and do whatever that fits and align to their core value.  If you really love a person, you don’t force them to agree or follow your path.

 

Many abused survivors learned unhealthy / toxic relationship from dysfunctional / abusive family.  We don’t know how to identify what’s right / wrong and the best for us. It took me years to understand the truth of love.

 

Previously, I watched TV / movies or reading inspiring books, I can’t stop to take a deep breath for myself….wow…..that’s what normal people do in a healthy relationship? It’s so different from what I learned from home.  Kind of like living in another planet and hard to find people understand me.

 

 

The Mask of Control

 

Many abusers / toxic parents / abusive relationship tend to trap targets by using an incredible word “love”.  They brainwashed you this is a form of “love” but in fact it’s masking their hidden insecure / intention – to control / manipulate.

 

Many moms LOVE their kids so much so they take care everything for them, e.g. cooking, dressing and arranging everything for them.  People think this is Love, but it’s not, instead, it’s a control in a subtle way.

 

Manipulative people usually make you become dependent on them until you lost your independence, you can’t think and feel in your own way, or survive according to your own wish, rely on manipulative people’s existence completely.  That’s what we found common from co-dependent relationship.

 

No joking, my ex-boss rely on her husband unreasonably, though she’s the boss but we all know who’s controlling everything behind in the company.  She’s so dependent at many aspect, can’t manage even a small task at work or her personal life.  Messy, disorganized and called her husband for help almost every hour, 20+ times daily.

 

Her husband kept all passwords and operation procedures in his hand.  Although he’s not physically at the office but he checked every email we sent, watched us via CCTV frequently.

 

 

Seriously, this is not Love

 

 

My ex-boss’s claim “this is love” while we all feel sick for those manipulative behaviors, she is so happy because she thinks her husband doing all these because he’s really love her.  Wow! That’s a delusion.

 

Many abuse survivors may assume the person who control us, plan everything and direct us to do things according to instructions is LOVE.   Many of us learned from toxic family that there’s no point to stand up for ourselves.  It seems easy and more peaceful if we just follow what we were asked.

 

Very soon, we lost the control of ourselves and hand all the power to others’ hands, at worst, many of them tend to attract abusers / narcissists / controllers to manager their lives because at the end, this is what we get used to.

 

We thought this is normal!  This is Love, right?

 

 

Wrapping Up

 

Hope more people can bring this topic for discussion.  So many times I want to scream when I found out someone trapped or being naive for their so-called loving relationship.

 

Frustrated to see when people don’t realize the truth behind.

 

How about you? Are you loving others or controlling someone? Or  you are “loving” by someone?

 

Please share your thoughts.

 

 

 

 

 

Photo credit : Pixabay – NatKar26