Psychology # 50 : Control Me Syndrome

Don’t know if it’s common or not, but I do find some of the people feel trapped in toxic relationship, not because they love that person but scare of leaving the comfort zone.

 

This is true that as long as we get used to the environment, we feel it’s more safe and secure to stay in the same old situation, even though it hurts, rather than jump the cliff to explore another chance.

 

It’s scary, i knew it.

 

What do you think? Are you one of them? or you know someone like this?

Psychology # 45 : Undoing

 

 

Emotional Abusers may use this tactic often, you were insulted, humiliated or verbally abused, next moment they will praise / adore you.

 

This not only confused the victims but also explain quite a bit why victims chose to stay in an unhealthy relationship.

 

Abusers give an impression to victims that they don’t meant to hurt them, and at the end they still love the victims.

 

What do you think?  Have you ever experienced this?

 

 

 

Psychology # 43 : Dismissive – Avoidant

 

 

For many abuse survivors, the urge to have love / attention is so severe, since this is what they are lack of when they grew up in dysfunctional family.

 

This can lead to another cycle of trauma if we are not be careful of our relationship pattern.

 

From time to time I met people who jump from this to that relationship non-stop, they seem enjoy very much for the FAKE attention, but seldom see they are deeply connected to anyone.

 

At the end of the day, they are staring at the wall alone and die empty inside. It’s sad.

 

You know someone owns this attribute? How do you feel about their inner conflicts?

Psychology # 41 : Perfectionism

 

 

Before now, I was kind of “perfectionist”, this gave me lots of pressure and waste energy on unimportant tasks.

 

When I wanted to do something, I would dive in and worked my ass off, but as soon as I understood the psychology behind “perfectionist”, I changed my attitudes.

 

Still worked hard but manage to let go so don’t drive myself nuts.  Today I understand the difference between  want to make things better, and fear of judgment or worry be viewed as worthless.

 

Are you perfectionist? or You know someone own this behavior?

Psychology # 33 : Anxious Preoccupied

 

 

From time to time, we found there are people who are very clingy and needy.

 

Don’t know if it’s because I am related to another category “Fearful / Avoidance”, so I always feel it’s very exhausted / tiring to hang around with this type of people.

 

Both of our categories can never lead us to a fulfilling relationship.  Better learn how to connect with others healthier.

Psychology # 25 : Fearful – Avoidant

 

Like me, many of survivors tend to build up a wall and keep an arm distant from the crowd.

 

People might feel awkward for their behaviors, but I can speak from my own experience that we are not hating people, instead, many of us simply fear of intimacy or relationship that too close.

 

Because we afraid of losing or any potential damage from the investment of relationship.

 

It’s sad and unhealthy I know, but we just can’t help.  The more you pull them out from the cave, the more they resist and desire to stay away from you.

 

Advice is : Take your time and give them some space, be authentic and generous for your approach, sooner or later, their heart will be melted as long as they find you really can be trust.

 

 

Quote of the day # 30 : Truly Evil

Truly evil people don’t just hurt others.  

They take pride in the pain they cause and then blame their victims.

 

There are people who love to earn their happiness / self-esteem by making others feel bad / hurt.

 

Have you ever met this kind of person? How do you deal with it?

 

 

Photo credit : Pixabay – danielgelora660

Psychology # 20 – Emotional Blackmail

 

 

This is a tricky and high-level mental manipulative technique.

 

Common found in abusive / toxic relationship in destructive system, such as family and workplace.

 

Are you familiar with this?  Please share your experience.

Psychology # 17 – Toxic People

 

 

Because of my insecure, I used to surround myself with toxic or people that do nothing good to me.

 

It happens commonly among abused survivors, we don’t know how to establish and nurture a healthy relationship.

 

Or many times because of our lack of confidence and low self-esteem issues, we tend to attract toxic people, who spot our weakness right away, which in turn drag our lives even further downward.

 

Today, though I am still struggling with relationship issues, but I am more alert to my surroundings.

 

How about you?  You attract the right people to your live or you just accept anyone step into your life?  Even though they are harm to you?

Love or Control? Can you tell the difference

 

Love is about give freedom and power, not gaining control or possession.

 

 

Love vs. Control.

 

I noted and always amazed by how many people not able to distinguish these two terms.

 

 

What is True Love?

 

In my philosophy, if you love and care a person, you should let them think and do whatever that fits and align to their core value.  If you really love a person, you don’t force them to agree or follow your path.

 

Many abused survivors learned unhealthy / toxic relationship from dysfunctional / abusive family.  We don’t know how to identify what’s right / wrong and the best for us. It took me years to understand the truth of love.

 

Previously, I watched TV / movies or reading inspiring books, I can’t stop to take a deep breath for myself….wow…..that’s what normal people do in a healthy relationship? It’s so different from what I learned from home.  Kind of like living in another planet and hard to find people understand me.

 

 

The Mask of Control

 

Many abusers / toxic parents / abusive relationship tend to trap targets by using an incredible word “love”.  They brainwashed you this is a form of “love” but in fact it’s masking their hidden insecure / intention – to control / manipulate.

 

Many moms LOVE their kids so much so they take care everything for them, e.g. cooking, dressing and arranging everything for them.  People think this is Love, but it’s not, instead, it’s a control in a subtle way.

 

Manipulative people usually make you become dependent on them until you lost your independence, you can’t think and feel in your own way, or survive according to your own wish, rely on manipulative people’s existence completely.  That’s what we found common from co-dependent relationship.

 

No joking, my ex-boss rely on her husband unreasonably, though she’s the boss but we all know who’s controlling everything behind in the company.  She’s so dependent at many aspect, can’t manage even a small task at work or her personal life.  Messy, disorganized and called her husband for help almost every hour, 20+ times daily.

 

Her husband kept all passwords and operation procedures in his hand.  Although he’s not physically at the office but he checked every email we sent, watched us via CCTV frequently.

 

 

Seriously, this is not Love

 

 

My ex-boss’s claim “this is love” while we all feel sick for those manipulative behaviors, she is so happy because she thinks her husband doing all these because he’s really love her.  Wow! That’s a delusion.

 

Many abuse survivors may assume the person who control us, plan everything and direct us to do things according to instructions is LOVE.   Many of us learned from toxic family that there’s no point to stand up for ourselves.  It seems easy and more peaceful if we just follow what we were asked.

 

Very soon, we lost the control of ourselves and hand all the power to others’ hands, at worst, many of them tend to attract abusers / narcissists / controllers to manager their lives because at the end, this is what we get used to.

 

We thought this is normal!  This is Love, right?

 

 

Wrapping Up

 

Hope more people can bring this topic for discussion.  So many times I want to scream when I found out someone trapped or being naive for their so-called loving relationship.

 

Frustrated to see when people don’t realize the truth behind.

 

How about you? Are you loving others or controlling someone? Or  you are “loving” by someone?

 

Please share your thoughts.

 

 

 

 

 

Photo credit : Pixabay – NatKar26