I found not too many people understand the importance of psychological boundaries.
Especially for those who were abused for a long time, they lost the identity and fear of missing out or abandonment. This make them very valuable, either let others step over their boundaries and being controlled by others’ desire and need.
Or they become very controlling and want to step in other business. Always want to check and spy on their love ones, sadly, this unhealthy clinging scare people away.
How about you? Do you protect your psychological boundaries? Or let others violate according to their needs?
Can’t recall the name but many years ago read a memoir about a boy who was seriously abused in his childhood, end up he has different personalities, this is an extreme case.
But very often we heard people who was abused in childhood may forget all things happened completely. They can’t remember a person / incident etc.
Not because they lost memories but simply the trauma was so severe so they just dissociated from the reality in order to survive.
In some cases, they suddenly remember everything and all flashbacks drive them crazy because the truth is too pain to accept.
You heard any stories like this?
You may encounter this psychological attributes from time to time.
If you are involved in any abusive / toxic relationships, then it becomes a pattern of how abusers treat their victims.
In dysfunctional family, abusive parents will verbally / psychological or emotional abuse their child, then tell lies to outsiders : saying how bad their children are so outsiders will trust what they heard.
You spot this symptoms in any situation?
The older I get the more I understand this theory, people who hurt others are actually the most unhappiest person.
Something happened in their lives that they can’t or not willing to deal with, instead, they project their problems / frustration / anger on others.
But it doesn’t mean their behaviors are acceptable. I believe we all are human so have the power to chose what we suppose to do.
How do you think about this?
Please comment or share this to someone you think they are going through difficult relationship right now.
After Abuse, victims may chose to lock themselves up, stay isolated from the crowd / society or engage in destructive behaviors.
That’s why the abuse is not only affect the moment of abuse, but most damaging is years after abused incident.
People simply underestimate the duration of healing journey.
Do you agree?
Abusers may act different in public and behind doors. This is the tactic they use to charm and lie to others.
Victims may have difficulties to explain their situations as it’s hard to find outsiders acknowledge the truth behind scenes.
At the same time, victims may also pretend as a happy person, living in a dream life but in fact they are suffering from abuse.
Are you good at spoting these lies? Are you living 2 different lives?
Trust is like a paper, once it’s crumpled it can’t be perfect.
Don’t ruin your trust with others. Once it’s damaged, we can hardly amend it.
That’s why we have to watch our mouth, words and behaviors constantly. What do you think?
Photo credit : Pixabay – Jobbe
Speak up, let others know when they hurt / angered you.
Otherwise you’re giving permission for them to continue to treat you the same way in future.
– Beverly Engel
Many people don’t know the boundaries or understand what’s is okay / or not okay, until you point it out.
Don’t you agree?
Photo credit : Pixabay – ju_sajjad0
This is a common pattern for not only abusers, but also general public.
Made me frustrated / Sad when I noticed people rationalize things that go wrong or obviously problematic.
For example, when somebody was abused, outsiders may rationalize the things as “Oh, he has a tough day / job so he just unable to control. At the end, he is the human right?” BS!
Or when I heard people try to cover up their friends / partners / love one for crime / mistakes, they tend to rationalize the situation, downgrade the damage that brings up and try their best to make excuse for their wrong behavior.
Came up to me about Michael Jackson’s case, many people just adore him so much and choose to rationalize his story, though there are so many evidences exists.
Do you agree?